Sexting, i.e. the digital exchange of two or clear messages, does not enjoy the best reputation. Too vulgar, too digital, and then data protection and such. Under sexting, our author imagined previously unsolicited penis photos and embarrassing porn dialogues, which in the end would probably end up on the boss’s desk. “Total nonsense,” say her friends. “I’ve been doing this for 30 years,” says Barbara Schöneberger. So it’s high time to try something on yourself. Even if it wasn’t as easy as planned.
by Miriam Kühnel
“Well, such suggestive things,” I tried another attempt at explanation at the dinner table after I had been trying to explain what sexting is for a quarter of an hour. I noticed that I didn’t really know much about it either. Tim’s uncomprehending expression revealed that he only understood the train station. “For example, you write me what you are going to do with me tonight.” You had to be more explicit after marrying a mathematician. “Tonight?” He asked as he put a slice of pizza in his mouth. “I’m not there.” I let my head fall on the table. If we failed here because of the temporal relation to reality, I could already imagine what sexting with him would look like. “What are you wearing, honey?” I was sure that Tim would write “sweatpants and adilettes” unmoved. I realized: sexting with a fact buff could be tricky.
Sexting for professionals: Sometimes you need a professional
I got advice from a professional. Horst Wenzel is an expert in flirting and relationships and runs the successful flirt university. If he couldn’t help me, who could? “Sexting can be learned,” he said. As for my husband, I wasn’t sure he would be ambitious enough. I asked Horst Wenzel if it was ok to foreign sex a bit. He advised me to discuss this with my partner. I decided not to do that. Maybe I would tell him afterwards. Maybe not. He had also never asked me if he should continue the sex scene in “Game of Thrones”. It was kind of similar, wasn’t it? I decided to look at it that way for a moment.
Next hurdle: where the hell do you get a sexting partner from? I asked my crazy single girlfriend if she didn’t know someone. “Sure,” she said and sent me Sven’s cell phone number from Munich. The Sven, who was always up for that. I preferred not to ask further questions. Munich was far away, that was perfect. Sven apparently already knew what his job would be. “You and me, we’ll have a lot of fun together,” he wrote and I suddenly realized what attracted people to sexting. I had no idea what Sven looked like or what he was doing. Maybe he was on the subway reading a comic. Maybe he had a schnauzer and was only six feet tall. But I didn’t care. In my head he was a hunk. A hunk who promised me fun. Somehow that alone was exciting.
I wanted to answer him. Not that easy if you have no idea about sex. “Are there any rules of behavior?” I asked Horst Wenzel to protect myself again. “Of course there are,” wrote Horst back. “Of course you can write down your sexual thoughts, but it doesn’t hurt to read your own message again before it is sent and ask yourself the question of whether your text is exactly what continues to turn on the other, or whether you are maybe pushing it too far. ”Phew. Write down my sexual thoughts. So that they turn Sven on? Could I do that?
I played the ball back in Sven’s field. “What exactly will this fun look like?” I waited nervously for an answer. Sven was a long time coming. Meanwhile I asked Horst why I was so jittery and felt like a teenager. “The most exciting thing about sexting is first and foremost that we let our thoughts run free. We have the opportunity to write down our sexual fantasies relatively uninhibited. It is even more erotic to imagine the other person on the other smartphone, what they look like, how they look the body feels or what it is wearing. Besides, it’s just a nice feeling that someone shows us their interest. ” Mhh. He could be right about that.
When talking dirty in Whatsapp, inhibitions fall
It finally beeped. Sven’s answer was more explicit than anything I had ever read. She made me red ears. Obviously, the Lord was not lacking in self-confidence. I copied Sven’s message and sent it to Horst. “Is that normal?” I wrote indignantly. “Completely,” said Horst. “When sexting, inhibitions fall. When chatting, we don’t see our counterpart, we don’t look anyone in the eye while we explain what we would like to do with him or her.” I tried three attempts to answer Sven, but felt somewhat ridiculous describing my breasts to him. He wanted to be able to imagine her exactly. I didn’t know what to write. They had better times before, my breasts. But maybe Sven didn’t want to know that exactly. “You can learn sexting,” Horst had said. But somehow I was suspicious of writing something to a stranger about my somewhat out of shape breasts.
My favorite expert Horst was able to tell me immediately why. It wasn’t me and it wasn’t sexting. Not even on Sven, not even on my breasts, just because I was in a committed relationship. Even if Sven and my thoughts consisted only of words, we exchanged an intimacy that was actually always reserved for my partner. In contrition, I admitted to myself that there was something to it. It had been very easy to project my wishes onto a stranger and get the attention from him that I would actually much rather have had from my husband. It was the need to feel sexy and wanted again. But what good would I do if a stranger found an idea of me sexy that didn’t correspond to me at all?
Are Men Better At Sexting By Message?
I decided to give my mathematician one more chance. After I had said goodbye to Sven and he had long since turned to more willing women with more shapely breasts, I typed a message to my husband on the smartphone. “What do you find sexy about me?” I asked and again I felt a tingling sensation when I sent the message. He also made me wait a while, like Sven.
“I think it’s sexy when you chew on your lower lip during exciting movies. I like your pajamas, which are a bit see-through and it drives me crazy when you come out of the shower with wet hair.” I was flabbergasted. I completely underestimated him. And I hadn’t known all that, but what surprised me the most: Unlike me, Tim seemed to know exactly how to do sexting. As I was about to answer, I heard his key in the lock. I threw my phone in the corner and quickly jumped into the shower.
Twenty minutes later I was standing in front of him in pajamas with wet hair and saw him smile at me. “Pretty hot!” He said, walking slowly towards me. “Shall we watch a thriller?” I asked, lasciviously chewing my lower lip. Tim laughed and stroked my wet hair. “I have a better idea,” he said, kissing me in a way he hadn’t done in a long time.
Do you also need an advisor like Horst? Horst Wenzel and his colleagues from Flirt University do not only advise sexting beginners. In seminars and webinars, he and his colleagues give tips and assistance on all questions related to flirting.